Sunday, January 30, 2011

Kiss and Tell

First kisses are almost always the best. And in my case, you know it's the best when you want to experience it the same way every time and have the same feelings every time. Always having that first kiss adrenaline.

But what if after that first kiss you wonder if that's all it's ever going to be. Do we get into relationships knowing that there may not be a future, or do we opt out still not knowing if a future would have happened. It's all so confusing. I know I will never understand what is going through the male mind, and I know I will never be completely understood, but I really wish my mind could shut itself off from all of the confusion that comes with starting something new. It's a wonderful feeling when you start a new relationship, and if that good feeling could last forever, then it's perfection. But perfection is an unrealistic expectation. However, if you could view perfection as being something that includes imperfection, then that expectation can be achieved! No-one is perfect, we've all got secrets we may never expose, and little quirks we may never understand, but that's what's called character and uniqueness. That is what makes us all who we are. And if we can accept each other for all of the little oddities and qualities, then we can continue on with the infatuation that brings us closer to each other.

To everyone reading this, go back to that memorable first kiss and think of all the thoughts you had while your lips were still locked. All the butterflies and goose bumps, tension and content.

It's always worth it.


Lulu

no picture today

Monday, January 24, 2011

Chillin' with Stickers!

I wrote this on Fri. Jan. 21st, 2011.

That's right, home on a friday night with my cat Stickers watching The Princess Bride. I haven't watched this movie in such a long time. This movie makes me wish for a masked man to sweep me off my feet.
How pathetic.

I still can't stop thinking about the idea of love. I'm obsessing over old fairy tale stories and romantic feel good movies.
I enjoy hearing stories of love.
Just sit me down and pour your guts out to me on how and when you fell in love. I will sit there and listen to every word, soaking up all the feel good vibes and of course, I will envy the love you have or have had. I can't help it, I'm a sucker for romance.

Let's take a look back in time:

1. Romeo and Juliet - Need I say more?

2. Desperately Seeking Susan - A young women succumbs to amnesia and unknowingly steals the identity of another women (Madonna) who lives a completely different lifestyle. She falls for a handsome man who only knows her by the other woman's name. Nearly a secret identity! Scandalous!

3. Dirty Dancing - Patrick Swayze was hot in that movie!

4. Pretty in Pink - Classic tale of geeky girl who hooks up with a rich posh good looking (not so good looking in my books) guy who has jerks for friends.

5. The Wedding Singer - I sorta fell for Adam Sandler in this movie...

6. The Little Mermaid - any guy would fall for a babe wearing seashells on her boobs. And when she loses the fins and chances being human at the risk of losing her voice.... sometimes, to get what you want a compromise is necessary.

7. Beauty and the Beast - We all wish our pots and pans and tea kettles and teacups and dusters and lamps and clocks and dressers and chairs etc. could come to life and take care of the cleaning and cooking. That's love. The Beast is just there for shock factor.

8. The Princess Bride - as you wish.......

9. Twilight series - The new Romeo and Juliet. Please don't hurt me for saying that....but it's true.

10. 500 days of Summer - fantastic movie with a much more realistic perspective on love.

These are just some of my favorites.

Anyway, these movies are what has molded my subconscious, and many others into wanting the perfect fairy tale love story.  Or any love story for that matter...yikes.

At least on my part it's all fairly innocent.




Lulu

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Beating the system

I know it's only natural for me to think that my child is a genius, but he has not only provided me with excellent examples of his intelligence, he has proven it to me!

Let me tell you a little about my oldest mini-me...

He was born at 35 weeks gestation weighing only 4lbs 15oz. He was a mere 16.5 inches long and bald like his father. (sorry dude). Right from the beginning of his life he had myself, his father, his grandparents and anyone else who laid eyes on him, wrapped around his teeny tiny little finger. For the first couple of months, after rocking him to sleep, I was barely able to put him down for a nap without him crying 10 minutes after he closed his eyes. He knew even at just 2 months of age how to get me to do what he wanted. As he grew older he continued to surprise me with the things he was doing. Even before he was two years old, he was talking in full sentences, relaying the alphabet and counting to 25. The only word I remember him having trouble with was "dorrito".  He was also done with napping! I would try so hard to get him to sleep in the afternoons, but he was just too interested in everything going on around him that nap time just became a thorn in my side more then a peaceful break!

Now that he is 5 years old, and I do have him under control most of time, he has become even more clever with his reactions to his likes and dislikes. Being his mom, I can usually keep his emotions in check, but when he gets out of my reach, like in school, he appears to be the one controlling the situation at hand. And that doesn't necessarily mean in a good way. Just yesterday, I was surprised to have seen his schools name on the call display of my phone. When I said "hello", the response on the other line was frantic and a little intense! It was his teacher calling to tell me he just wouldn't participate in any of the activities at school and was completely miserable. She suggested I should come and pick him up. Now I don't know how other people would react to this but I calmly told the teacher to encourage him to have his snack with the rest of the class in hopes that he would calm down and become distracted from his emotions. I asked her if he was sick, with the response of "no" and I wondered how she felt having me come and pick him up from school would be the most appropriate way to handle what was going on. She then called me back 20 minutes later, practically begging me to pick him up. I was a little annoyed. Not at the fact that I had to leave work to pick up my son, but more at the fact that my son, my 5 year old son, was able to break his teacher AND the principal, who appeared at one time to be mature adults, into believing the best answer was for him to leave. When I showed up to get him, he was perfectly fine. All smiles and happy to be helping the principle get his lunch. He didn't want to leave school, he just didn't want to do what the teacher wanted him to do. If I was the teacher, I think I would be sending him to a quite corner with something to do to calm him down, not instantly calling his mother to rescue the teacher! 

My son is an emotional soul, but he knows that his tears will usually get him out of something he doesn't want to do. He outsmarted two adults at once. He's proven he can be the one to take control and have things work out his way. If you've ever met my oldest son, I imagine you would all agree he is a sweet boy... but could this be a classic case of 'my child is perfect at home, but the demon 10 ft away from me'?????






So all I can say now is wish me luck on monday! Hopefully I won't be getting a phone call for me to pick him up because he wants to wear his shoes on the wrong feet.



Lulu

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

what's in a name?

Working in retail I see a lot of people from many different cultures, financial classes, ages and loonie bins. I was recently dealing with a customer who appeared to be fairly well kept. I couldn't smell cigarettes or an overdose of cologne.... hair was brushed nicely and shoes looked decent. Yeah, I do notice a lot of different details about random people but hey, I am a very visual person. Anyway, I had to get this customers information for the sale I was completing and noticed there email address. I'm not one to comment on anyone else's choice of "tag" but I do wonder if there email address has any type of coincidence to there personality.

example 1:         imspud@xxxxxx                 
                                                              
- ummmm - a spud is a potato.... really, would you want someone to remember you as a potato? Unless you grew up on a potato farm, I'm not sure it's the best address to go by. Especially if you have a highly respectable job.  

example 2:         ****69@xxxxx 

- anything with 69 in it just turns you into a sex junkie, or one who wishes they could be one. I have seen this with several email addresses, usually high school boys. On the odd occasion, I am left to wonder why the 60+ man with the wrinkled dress pants is sporting this for himself. 
I quickly stop thinking about it.  

example 3:          shadee_ladee@xxxxxxx

- Can you imagine dealing with a nice lady wearing a sweater with a picture of herself on it, who speaks only of her 12 cats and handsome next door neighbor who helps cut her grass in his ripped jogging pants..... and now we move on.

These are only a few examples but I've just started wondering, why do these people do this? Are you one of these people? Come on, admit it - you are! Does your email address give others insight to the "other" personality we don't get to see? 

Meh - Pot(ay)to, Pot(at)to!




email accounts used are based on fictional accounts (to the best of my knowledge)
no feelings meant to be hurt :)


Lulu





                                                     

Monday, January 17, 2011

Another cup?

I discovered coffee when I was 25 years old. My oldest son was shy of being 4 months old and I was desperately trying to shed the last 15 lbs of baby weight. I started to add my meal replacement powdered mix to whatever kind of java was around, first just to help cut back on the intense sweetness of the meal replacements. Then, I realized the energy it gave me! It was not a short lived energy either! I was able to get so much done that I could also enjoy some (very caffeine induced) comical conversation with anyone willing to listen. Wow. I remember how good it was. I then became a self induced coffee drinker. Not for the taste, but for the high.

Now, I have been drinking so much coffee that when I have a cup I get that instant gratification of energy, but now it is very short lived. Then if I attempt to reinstate the coffee high, I end up exhausted. Too much coffee makes me tired now more then it gives me any sort of pick up.


I decided over one week ago or so that I was going to put my coffee addiction to a halt. Put it on the back burner and save my stomach from any further damage then what had already been done.  Coffee had become an addiction to my hands, lips, and physical output. So cutting out the coffee also meant cutting out the comfortable familiarity of holding something warm and I just can't seem to get into drinking tea.

I was finally able to stop cold turkey! I had the worst headache for the first day, the second day it subsided immensely. Day 3, I went for a hot chocolate, day 4 - a green tea. Then day 5 came around and I felt like I was in need of some comfort food. Coffee, is my comfort food. I thought one small coffee will be fine, and it was! The next day, I was able to go without once again. Then, the day after that and the day after that..... I had a coffee.....and the day after that....another coffee....Today I decided against the idea first thing in the morning. But man was I ever out of it today! I was downright blue. So by the afternoon I had enough of my sorrow and opted in to have a cup of coffee. It was supposed to be small. But, by accident from the constant use of the words "I'll have a large double double".... I screwed up. But I drank that coffee anyway and I've never felt so good!


Guess that was a big FAIL!



Lulu

Saturday, January 15, 2011

"All you need is love"


Sometimes I wonder if being alone too much is what causes bad relationships to begin in the first place. I've been alone nearly every single night since the end of August. I'm not ashamed to admit that in the least. At first, being alone was a great blessing, and I definitely still have many times where all I want is to be alone. But when the loneliness begins to sink in, all I want is love. Love is this viscous power that seems to be the answer people are looking for. 
But what if love isn't the answer? I know it's not the answer. Not this time. This time it's that double chocolate fudge cake I saw at the local bakery! That's right! I'm going to eat all the chocolate I can possibly manage to consume in one night! That should help curb my desire to have a man.

...Just kidding :) 

I'm not an emotional eater in the least. I prefer to drink wine and watch romantic comedies. 

But seriously, look at all the statistics on divorce in this age. Everyone is getting divorced! I know, I know, your not getting a divorce (yet), but you are the exception. We all want love. Love is what seems to confirm what we feel our worth is. But it is true in a way. We need to love ourselves to live happy lives. When we love ourselves, we attract happiness and desire. When we think love is the answer, without loving ourselves as well, we attract a desire to have something that is believed to portray happiness, in a hope that in the end will be a lifelong loving relationship. Even if divorce is the inevitable answer.

My hope is to continue to work on my health and happiness as a single woman. I'm still going to admit, I hope that love will find me in the purest and most honest possible form. After all, love is wonderful.


Lulu






Thursday, January 13, 2011

Motherhood

Apparently, I am a very desirable women... until the mention at the fact that I have two children.

When the words "I'm a single mother" enter into the conversation, the prey of interest cowers away and looks at you from the image bubble in his mind with the instant idea that he would be strapped down from the first date onward. Like he thinks these kids would be his relationship. As if any time spent with this single mother would be spent taking care of children. The idea of having to pay the food bills and the hydro bills and all the added expenses (that are taken care of by kids real father in a decent percentage) and nothing else enters into the equation. Not the fact that the single mother is strong and independent, can get out of the house to go shopping or hiking or dating or anything, at anytime she wants to AND truly doesn't (and shouldn't) want him to have anything to do with her children until he and she are ready to enter that part of the story, if it even gets to that point. This could take months or even years!
It doesn't mean that you have to become a father figure overnight, it means that a woman and a man are interested in Each Other - nothing more.

Give a single parent a chance... it may be the only chance you have to take, to find love.





Lulu

the air we breath

Quirky:

I like the smell of gasoline, and the smell of permanent markers, scotch tape and lavender dish soap, I like the smell or baked apple pie and spicy chili, the smell of new clothes, new shoes, new anything. I like the smell of old spice, but only if it's on the right person. I like the smell of my kids hair after a fresh bath, the smell of raspberries, strawberries and bananas. I like the smell of peppermint toothpaste and the smell of cinnamon gum. I like the smell of leather, and I like the way DVD's smell when you take them out of the package for the first time. I like the smell of pumpkin anything, and clean sheets, old books, and new cars! I like the smell of a fresh rainfall, and a fresh snowfall, freshly cut grass and pine trees, sawdust, chlorine, and spring water. One thing I can't figure out though - I also like the smell of cat kibble.

Have a great night!


Lulu


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The things "my" kids say

I have two beautiful boys. One of them with the skills to talk anyone into giving him what he wants and the other the skill of smiling to get what he wants. These are my creations. My own flesh and blood. My legacy. :)

That being said, I can only blame myself for the superior amount of confidence they both have to mutter those "adult" words that yes, I must be using more often then not. Oops!
I do think I need a little explanation in regards to one specific word that my older one is using because I don't think I ever use it, and I'm not even sure it's considered a real word. So how can I get him in trouble for using a 'word' that doesn't even exist in the english dictionary. You'll never guess what it is.

O.k, I just checked to see if this is an actual word, here you go:

Booyah - an exclamation used to express extreme pleasure, approval, etc.


Way to go kiddo! I guess it's not so bad after all! My 5 year old knows how to express his approval with just ONE word! Booyah!

So even though this may be a short blog, it's definitely one that just goes to show that kids are smarter then we think! So, watch what you say around them and don't discount there knowledge in the least.
You might, just like me, learn something wonderful and over the top!


Lulu




Monday, January 10, 2011

coincidence?

I never thought that I could possibly will the presence of someone by writing a blog, a blog I'm sure that this one handsome fellow has no idea about.... but guess what! I didn't have to get the courage to make that courtesy call after all!

I walked into work a little late due to a doctors appointment, which I will be blogging about someday soon, and as I was getting changed and then helping out with the stock in the back, one of my beautiful co-workers came walking very abruptly towards me, and this is very intimidating! She may be beautiful, but she can bite! And with the new human being growing inside of her, you don't want to get a paper-cut near her because she'll "vampire" that shit up like in the last twilight book when all Bella does is drink blood, this is serious shit! Anyway, she asked me if the EMS guy she was helping was "THE" EMS guy.... I looked but all I could see was a blur. I'm so blind without my glasses so, I whisked myself onto the sales floor. Back straight, boobs out, bum tight and of course, the smile. It was him! I tried to be as subtle as possible but made sure not to stray too far from the sale...


 I checked out his butt too. :)           



Finally, I became the main attraction, not the stupid tripod he was contemplating.... this was a good sign. We headed over to the check-out and that's when the 'should I, could I, would he, could he' thoughts were rummaging through my concentration. I barely remember anything that was actually said but when he started to walk away with his bag of goodies... I spoke up. Um...uh....ha...I've never done this but, could I give you my phone number? He smiled at me with the warmest most relieved smile I have ever seen on anyone.

He likes me! He really likes me!!!!




Lulu



Sunday, January 9, 2011

Make the call?

I need some feedback on this one.

I work in retail. I sell fantastic products to (most) people with little knowledge and a little too much cash in there pocket. Which isn't a bad thing considering we all thrive off of having the newest of the new and the best of the best! And I get to make money off of you....I mean "it"!
Anyway, that's not what I was really planning on blogging about. What is going on in my mind is the fact that I met a random, tall, handsome male customer who happened to spark my interest. This sometimes happens. Oh, and I'm single now so I don't want anyone out there thinking I'm a cheater. So during my sales pitch, I noticed the awkward over-extended eye contact, or at least the attempt at it. He looked, I looked back, he looked away and I started to get frazzled. The words started to come out of my mouth faster than my lips could move! I don't know if it was him that made me nervous first or me that made him nervous first but he seemed to be mirroring my reactions and it seemed all of a sudden that the sale had to be done so we could both step away from the intensity of our chemical reactions to each others presence and just breath.......ahhhhhhh.

I have to admit, I did check to see if he was wearing a ring. He wasn't.

After he was gone out the door, I had to step into the back of the store to tell my trusted friends my odd experience all while my body still felt numb and my voice rattled. How embarrassing. Immediately, I wanted him to come back so I could pass him my phone number in an attempt to get to know him.

Opportunity lost!

Lucky me however, was pleasantly surprised a week later to answer the phone at work to a familiar voice asking if he could come in and talk product with me. That's when I heard the sirens go off! Literally. He was calling me while driving in his ambulance! I heard over his radio where he had to go which happened to be two stop lights away from where I work. So I waited very impatiently for my next opportunity to possibly get a date. When he finally showed up, he was so hard to miss! He was glowing as if he was wearing a fluorescent yellow EMS jacket! But that's because he was. That was certainly a chance to break the ice so I had to comment! And the smiles, oh the smiles. We checked out some products while checking each other out and making the oh so subtle flirty comments to each other. Then came the moment where the visit had to end. We both became rather fidgety, and the sentences from both of our mouths were continuously incomplete while once again the words attempted to come out faster then our lips would allow. That's when I noticed the next customer standing about 8ft. behind him listening to every fumbled word we spoke. That's when the thought of writing down my phone number on my business card became an idea that I just couldn't pull off. She was standing there staring impatiently, destroying the courage that I was hoping would possibly get me out of the house for an evening or two or more! I felt like he was trying to give me the go ahead because he seemed to be too nervous to mouth the right words, even telling me what time he was done work at and that he was doing nothing for the evening.... but that women had to be standing there, listening! Damn!

Once again,

goodbye opportunity.

Now, here is my thought to attempt to recover any chance I may have had:

Courtesy call!

Let's see if I can muster the courage to ask him how he is without my voice cracking!




Lulu


Thursday, January 6, 2011

The fly in my soup

So every so often - more often then not, I am subject to deal with an obstacle I just can't seem to work around. I call this, as the title states "The fly in my soup". I try to ignore the fact that this dirty species has landed with the grace of a drunken hockey player into my "soup" but it's really not that easy to avoid. There is this evil part of me that just wants to push that little bug under, even allow myself to chew it up, then spit it out (that's really gross, sorry), but I am a better person then that. I have morals and objectives that far surpass the intelligence of this little bug and I do my best to eat around it as gross as it is that it has really actually spoiled what could have been so good. But what can I do? Maybe I need to start wearing one of those mosquito nets around my head when I'm ready to eat. But, since you all have hopefully gathered that this is a metaphor, how do I walk around with that net around my entire life without getting stuck?

Now to all those single mothers out there, how in the world do you do it? I know how I'm doing it but it's all on a day to day basis that is completely unpredictable. Is it the same for you? It must be, otherwise I would have already bought the book and been well on my way to saving the world along with the rest of you!  Hmmmmmmmm.....

With every blog I post, I will post a picture. How could I not?! That is what keeps my mind from exploding! Art keeps me happy. It's a great outlet that allows me to express whatever I want, anyway I want. Right now I'm working on finding who I am. The obvious la la la but who cares! I'm enjoying myself.


 












Sweet dreams!

A fresh start to a new year

Hey!

Today is January 6th, 2011.

I've done something new for the new year - I've made my 2011 resolution! I have made resolutions in the past, you know, the typical "go to the gym", "eat healthier", "save money", but none of these have panned out. This year, I'm going to give a shot at being a much more confident person. So what do you think? Is this an attainable resolution? Of course it is!!! Who's in on it with me?

I've come to realize that I am a worrier. This isn't a new revelation but it is one that I wish to conquer! So if anyone out there can suggest how to shut off an over active brain in a civilized and creative way, please do.  I have been reading books on cognitive behaviour and so far I'm not to impressed with the results or the excitement of the book for that matter. I imagine there are better books then the one I'm reading but I can't keep spending money on something that is only going to end up at the back of my closet under a forgotten pair of pants. The internet has been pretty helpful. So, maybe it's time to buy one of those e-readers. Too bad they cost so much.

Donations will be accepted in person - cash only :)

I received a letter from my oldest sons teacher today stating that he has surpassed the expected level of reading ability for his age and they have skipped him up 2 levels! My kids a genius! I'm allowed to say that. I'm his mother, so he's obviously going to be a genius, duh!

Maybe I should back off a little on the cognitive behaviour practices.

Well ladies and gents, I hope you've all started your new year off in a positive way and I wish you the best to a happy start!

Lulu J